| Seduction
Secrets
Sensual Massage
Reprinted with permission from Holistic
Wisdom
Beginning this month we are starting a serious
of seduction secrets that aide couples in becoming the best lovers that
they can be. This edition we are focusing on the art of sensual massage.
Creating the mood with candles, music, a comfortable area to relax and
let go is of course the best way to begin. After preparing a space to
be warm and pleasing, you can start with a sensual and relaxing general
massage before shifting the focus to your partner's sex centers. The idea
is to bring your partner to high levels of arousal, and keep him or her
there for a while.
~ For men~
This is best done through verbal or non-verbal communication which allows
stimulation to be slowed down, changed, or stopped before ejaculation
becomes inevitable (stimulation then continues in a few moments, after
the urgency fades).
~ For women~
This is best done by using G-Spot and/or clitoral massage to bring her
to multiple orgasms, which naturally tend to take place over an extended
period of time.
Keep your lubricants, oils, and gloves (if needed or desired) within easy
reach, and cover the massage table with a blanket and place a clean sheet
over this blanket. You can let the sides of the blanket and sheet drape
over the sides of the table so that they may be brought
up to cover the receiving partner (keeping him or her warm)
after the massage is finished.
~ Props~
Pieces of (possibly fake) fur or feathers can be used for additional sensual
tantalization, and an eye pillow or blindfold can be helpful in blocking
out any unwanted light for your partner.
~ Music~
Putting a CD (or prerecorded tape) of your favorite music on
repeat play is a good idea. Some people are more comfortable with a pillow
or rolled bath towel underneath their knees and/or head (when lying face
up) or their ankles (when lying face down), and some women will be more
comfortable with a pillow underneath their hips; if this is your first
massage with your partner you might want to experiment a little or ask
him or her.
If you're going to be giving the massage, take a look at your fingernails
and clip them if necessary.
~ Lubrication
One similarity between men and women is that some sort of lubricant needs
to be used when massaging their genitals: this will make the experience
more pleasurable and prevent sore spots from developing.
One difference between men and women is that one may use oil-based, water-based,
or silicone-based lubricants on men, while one should use only water-based
lubricants on women to avoid encouraging vaginal infections.
Don'ts~
Also remember that condoms are weakened by oil so it is important to ensure
a waterbased lubricant when using condoms. Please be sure any water-based
lube you may be using DOESN'T contain Nonoxynol-9. In this context Nonoxynol-9
is unlikely to do anything but irritate.
For genital massage on men, or for massage elsewhere on a man or woman's
body, you can purchase special massage oils at massage supply shops or
else just use a light vegetable oil (such as Safflower, Sunflower, or
grapeseed) from the supermarket.
Lubricants and oils should be reapplied as necessary, so it's good to
keep them handy.
~ Good Communication
During both the relaxation and genital phases of your erotic massage it's
important for the person on the table to always feel comfortable making
requests and comments. He or she should feel free to mention anything
that is getting in the way of his or her comfort and pleasure.
Start by quieting and focusing your mind while resting your hands on the
receiving partner's upper and lower back. Then, perform a relaxing massage
on the back, legs, and feet.
Basic principles of relaxing massage include keeping your hands in contact
with your partner, taking your time, being rhythmic yet sensitive, and
proceeding from long gliding strokes to deeper ones.
~ Techniques~
When giving a massage be sure to use good body mechanics: use your body
weight rather than arm strength for deep strokes, during gliding strokes
keep your knees slightly bent and fluid, and don't lean over the table.
After relaxing your partner's back, legs, and feet, have him or her turn
over. Massage the chest, arms, and hands. Then glide down to the legs.
It can feel good to brush the genitals when going down to the legs. After
finishing the fronts of the legs and feet, glide back up and slowly brush
over the genitals, teasing them.
This teasing process can be drawn out by brushing the inner thighs near
the genitals, very lightly touching the pubic region, etc. At this point
erotic energy is often building, making it a natural time to start shifting
the focus to more explicitly sexual activities.
Especially if this is your first massage with this partner, it's a good
idea to look into your partner's eyes while cradling his or her genitals,
and somehow ask his or her permission to go further.
The rest of the massage will focus on the genitals, with periodic sweeps
up and down the body to spread, balance, and integrate the sensations.
One of the skills that comes with practice is being able to read the energy
and arousal levels of your partner, and smoothly and gradually ramp up
from relaxing massage to more arousing and sexual massage.
Pleasuring Your Partner's Sex Centers
~ For Men
The basic principle of male genital massage is that you should slow down,
stop, or change what you are doing just before ejaculation becomes inevitable.
The best way to accomplish this is for the man to give a signal just before
this point is reached. Verbal cues, raising a hand, pulling away slightly,
or even subtle body language cues can all work well. This repeated "peaking"
process can sometimes help men learn to have multiple orgasms without
ejaculating, and can also be practiced during solo masturbation. Although
delaying ejaculation during the course of the massage is desirable from
the perspective of maximizing pleasure, many partners do like to finish
the massage with one.
Ejaculation provides a considerable spark of pleasure, but can leave men
too fatigued to enjoy the rest of the evening or do a good job massaging
their partner; opposite-sex partners who like to finish male genital massage
with ejaculation should have the woman receive her massage first. It's
also fun to encourage your partner with hot talk (possibly weaving together
a verbal fantasy based on your partner's desires). Letting your partner
know verbally and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying his pleasure
can be a powerful aphrodisiac. As an aside, it should be noted that a
nice feature of male genital massage is that an erection is not required
for it to feel good; some massage strokes actually feel BETTER when the
penis is soft.
~ Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
There are many different massage strokes that feel good on male genitals.
Unless he indicates otherwise, it's usually safe to assume that firm and
consistent stroking will feel best.
One approach that some people favor is selecting two favorite strokes,
and for a period of time alternating between them every once in a while.
Sliding Stroke -
With the penis resting on the belly, cup the balls with one hand. The
heel of the palm of the other hand glides up and down the underside of
the penis all the way to the tip.
Double Slide Stroke -
Bring one hand down, letting it stroke the penis from the top all the
way to the bottom. When it hits the bottom, release it. Meanwhile bring
your other hand to the top of the penis and repeat the stroke, creating
an alternating motion.
Teaser Stroke -
Take the penis in one hand and gently, sensuously caress it for about
ten seconds, then give it one quick up-and-down stroke. Repeat the sensuous
caressing for about ten seconds (perhaps using slow up-and-down strokes),
and then give the penis two quick up-and-down strokes. Repeat the caressing,
then give three quick strokes, etc. Continue until ejaculation approaches
inevitability.
It's up to the two of you whether to finish with an
ejaculation. If you do, then pleasuring can continue all the way through
ejaculation and until your partner asks you to stop.
At the end of the massage (whether or not there is an ejaculation), the
sheet/blanket combination can be folded up over the person on the table
to provide a warm cocoon. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment
together.
~ For Women
Female sexual response is often significantly different from male sexual
response, in the following ways:
~ Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and
feelings of warmth towards her partner.
~ Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot
stimulation and through clitoral stimulation.
~ Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as "sharper"
and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".
~ Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual
stimulation they like, and how they like it done.
~ Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but
can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly
experience.
~ Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation
continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).
It's because of latter that the basic approach to erotic massage differs
between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all
the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need
for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause
arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.
~ Suggested Genital Massage Strokes
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation,
so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their
partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow
this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation
or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation.
Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal
penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high
state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has
a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her
body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections"
with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body
at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc. Although the
genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favored
among women, there are many more.
Clitoral
When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her.
Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger
is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback
or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find
something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further
pleasure.
Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are
pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good
ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't
feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she
would want you to start right out with.
G-Spot
The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the
pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've
found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the
surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but
may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes,
not always a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine,
but IS expelled through the urethra.
One easy way to stimulate the G-Spot is with your (lubricated) first and
second fingers together (possibly starting with just your first finger).
Make rhythmic gestures inside the vagina that look like the signal to
"come here". Alternatively, one can rub the G-Spot in a circular
fashion.
Generally, it's the pads of your fingers which are pressing into her G-Spot.
Another approach is to rotate your fingers inside her vaginal barrel with
even pressure against all areas of it. Be aware that the shape of the
vagina changes as a woman's arousal level increases.
You'll probably notice the inner portion ballooning outwards during extreme
arousal, which means that your fingers will need to rotate a little farther
from center in order to maintain the same pressure on the vaginal walls.
G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.
Vibrator
Vibrators generally work best on or near the clitoris. If the vibration
is too intense, switch to a lower speed or put a cloth between the vibrator
and her clitoris. It's OK to let your partner hold the vibrator. It's
also fun for a vibrator to be used clitoral at the same time vaginal penetration
is being performed.
Many sexual difficulties (especially for women, it seems) stem from worries:
worrying that her partner is getting tired of pleasuring her, that she
isn't coming fast enough, etc. Letting your receiving partner know verbally
and non-verbally that you're actively enjoying giving her pleasure can
be a powerful aphrodisiac for her.
Cocooning
It's nice to fold the sheet/blanket combination over your partner when
you two are finished. This can be a time of profound peace and contentment
together.
Variations and Enhancements
~ Conscious Breathing-
Conscious breathing is a powerful way to enhance both relaxation massage
and erotic massage. If the receiving partner forgets to breathe, the massaging
partner can remind him or her by breathing rhythmically and audibly. Some
partners find that synchronizing the breathing between the two of them
leads to wonderful sensations. Just don't hyperventilate...
~ The Spiritual Breath Work Exercise-
This technique for completing a massage was developed by the Body Electric
School. In the minutes preceding it the massage work should be becoming
more and more energetic, building and building.
At a certain point (counted down to verbally, so both partners know when
it's coming) massage and any other touch ceases, the person on the table
takes seven very deep breaths, and while holding the seventh breath clenches
every muscle in his or her body and rolls his or her eyes back in his
or her head (possibly assuming a tense position with torso and legs a
bit off the table, as in a "crunch") for about 10 seconds. He
or she then completely relaxes, resumes regular breathing, and the standing
person gently folds the sheets/blanket over his or her body.
For maximum effect the music should be quite "cosmic" at this
point, and the person performing the massage shouldn't touch the person
on the table (who has his or her eyes closed, or who has a blindfold on)
for at least five minutes or until the person on the table requests otherwise.
This practice can provoke profound emotional release, and often hallucinations.
Afterwards, the standing partner opens the cocooned sheets, gently towels
off any oil, helps his or her partner to sit up, and then both partners
either keep silence or say what is in their heart. It's fun to follow
this with a hot tub or a warm bath.
It's helpful to use a prearranged and timed music tape. Ideally, there
should be five seconds of silence immediately following this, and possibly
during it. Music should have been building to that point, and should resume
with something really beautiful after the silence following it.
~ Incorporating PC Muscle Contractions ("Kegels")
Contractions of the PC (pubococcygeus) muscle are associated with increased
sexual pleasure for both men and women. This muscle may be identified
by noticing what muscles you use to stop the flow of urine when you are
urinating (without moving your torso or legs); it's the same one.
The PC muscle can be exercised by contracting and releasing it; one approach
is to rhythmically contract when inhaling and relax when exhaling. Generally,
the stronger the PC muscle is, the more intense one's orgasms can be.
The PC muscle can also be repeatedly contracted and relaxed at various
times during sex (such as during G-Spot stimulation, or during male ejaculation)
to increase pleasure.
Men can use the PC muscle to prevent ejaculation; this is done by holding
the breath while either strongly bearing down ("pushing out")
or tightly squeezing ("holding in") using the pelvic muscles.
Prostate Stimulation An advanced technique in male genital massage is
to stimulate the man's prostate gland at the same time one is stimulating
the penis. This can be done with a finger an inch or two inside his anus,
pressing on the dome shape found in the direction of the penis.
When stimulating the prostate, you should wear latex gloves, have short
fingernails (or else pack cotton balls around your fingernails and then
put gloves on), and use lots of lube.
Part of what some beginners find novel about anal penetration is that
it makes one feel as if one has to go to the bathroom. By going to the
bathroom pretty thoroughly before beginning play, one may have an easier
time not interpreting this new sensation in the old context.
Pressing on the prostate gland during ejaculation, or when a man is close
to ejaculation, can feel wonderful. It is also possible for some men to
have ejaculatory orgasms through prostate stimulation alone.
Simultaneous Pleasuring
Once each partner has sufficient experience with his or her own sexual
response, they may wish to try mutual stimulation. This is best done on
a bed, rather than on a massage table. Simply lie down facing each other,
heads close together, and pleasure each other with your hands. Again,
for men slightly pulling away or giving some other cue when ejaculation
is imminent will allow play to continue.
Enjoy!
 
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